Here we go. Round 1 of about 9 I’ll receive over the next 6 months. My mind raced all night.
It has been fascinating to watch the fragile dance between my mind and the world around me, seeking out the balance between acceptance of my reality and exertion of my will to alter my reality. If I lean too far into acceptance I risk falling into fatalism, apathy, and depression. If I lean too far into exertion of will I risk falling into self-delusion, denial, and anxiety. Somewhere in the middle is a sweet spot where reality is respected, but my will still has power to influence outcomes in my favor. Every day I engage in this dance, some days more gracefully than others.
Today I’m grateful for the people who help me dance with a little more grace. And I’m grateful that this dance has helped me become aware that the whole world is dancing with me. Sometimes we go through things that make our dance a little more visible, but we are all dancing. My hope is that we never let each other dance alone. My hope is that we’ll all be willing to let others see us dance, no matter how devoid of grace we might be, and that we’ll allow others to support us when it feels like we can’t dance anymore. We need each other too much to mind our own business.