I was in the middle of one of these dark ponderings during a failed attempt at a nap when my thoughts drifted to Tennyson. I imagined him growing up without me and what that would be like for him. I thought of all the milestones and moments I would miss out on, and the darkness in my mind was growing even darker.
But in that moment, when self-pity was about to consume me, something profound happened: I decided that I want to live. It might seem like an obvious conclusion to reach, but it was a conclusion that I had to come to consciously. It was much deeper than a simple desire to survive. It was an empowering decision to take on this experience as an active and willful participant rather than a helpless passenger. It was a will to live surging from my core. It was a spiritual experience.
That moment marked the beginning of a shift away from relying on the confidence and faith of others toward becoming more self-reliant in the mental-emotional-spiritual aspect of my journey. Looking back, I don’t know how or if I would have made such a breakthrough without having this great kid in my life. I genuinely believe that the decision I made in that moment–to choose life–is the reason that I will beat cancer, and it is all thanks to his existence and my love for him. And for that reason he really is a superhero. Must be from his mom’s genes.